Juvenile Bond

Pierce Brosnan was reportedly asking for a brazen U$ 42 millions to return as Bond; and Barbara Broccoli’ answer was ‘Remington Steele ain’t worth that much’. Thus, she and Wilson from EON embarked on a search of new Bond, and after many more established names turn-down the role, Daniel Craig lands himself as the new biggest spy of movie industry.

Why he is chosen is unfathomable by Brosnan’ fans that they set up anti-Craig website and petitioned to abolish Craig; spreading worldwide opinion that Craig is more like villain than the suave agent ought to be.

It’s a Herculean task for Broccoli and Wilson to outperform the last Bond movie, Die Another Day, that grossed U$ 430 millions worldwide; so they pull in Martin Campbell who directed ‘Goldeneye’ and screenwriter Paul Haggis who just scored writing Oscar in ‘Crash’.

The result is a new and re-invented Bond, in the no. 22 of Bond series which actually based on Fleming’s first Bond novel.

And there are some that returning and many that not.


Judy Dench is back as M, in a performance stronger than ever, creating circular logic as Bond’s last boss as well as the first boss who recruited Bond and issued him the license to kill.

The soundtrack is still used, some lavish gadgets such as Aston Martin remain, the sequences, the stream of girls : brunette, blonde, Italian, and some minor recurring roles.

Other than that, expect too much then get ready to be disappointed.

Firstly, diehard Bond fans will miss the flirting between Bond and Moneypenny. Instead, M has a nerd male receptionist, or Bond would simply crashed-into her home, opened her laptop and used her password.

Q’s presentation is also absent, as his most updated gadget would be the new agent himself.

There is still Vodka Martini but when the waiter asked ‘shaken or stirred ’, Bond gave him looks that he wouldn’t care a damn.

The new Bond is not only far from suave, with his boxy face, cold piercing blue eyes, two pointy ears; and yet with the bod to die for many men – he is quite a sore to eyes. When he walked out the sea in that blue tight boxer, his back’s hunched reflecting his low self-confidence. He just learned how to wear a tux.

It seems forced when some women are shown giggled and turned when he passed – probably coz all other men in this movie : Dimitrios, Le-Chiffre, Mathis, all are either old or ugly lot.

The sex scenes are a lot tamed, worse than ‘The Living Daylights’ and more awkward than Lazenby without his mole. Craig is so lack of sexual charm that Pussy Galore will miss him in table for two. According to anti-Craig gossip, the poor guy even requested for a stand-in, until Aunt Judy convinced him that he is not that undesirable – at least to a seventy years old woman’s standard.

The girl department is not too disappointing. Eva Green is quite hot if you can stand her Nosferatu style make-up, and Catherine Murino’s actually looked very beautiful as the wronged girl Solange. Yet Bond left her cold in a hotel room with champagne and caviar while he eagerly chased a flight to Miami. Come on, Connery and Moore would still make the time to take what’s up for grab.

Timothy Dalton has been long recognized as the most vegetarian Bond, due the AIDS rampage period during the filming of his two movies. But the new Bond is Jablai – jarang dibelai, not because of any bad influence the producers wouldn’t want to be accused of; our Jablai Bond is simply more engrossed in his new issued license to kill rather than smelling roses in the pathways.

The body is not untuk dibelai, but to be banged, crashed, slammed, pounded, tortured. He is more like a thug for hire than a special spy who enjoyed each of his assignment as rendezvous with wine, devouring women while saving the world at the same time, as Roger Moore has made us to believe.

Bond is described as enjoying his first kill, not by utilizing any superior gadget but by bonking a guy’s head repeatedly to wash-basin in a dirty toilet until he bled to death.

Up from the moment it was issued, Jablai Bond has been exhausting his license to kill in no time. Bodies are piled up from Geneva, Nassau, Africa, Miami to Montenegro, Bahamas and Venice. Shot at the head, executed, banged, stabbed, slammed, crashed, bombed. The guy is like a walking time-bomb, relentlessly chased his target in construction site only to execute him in a neutral zone of Embassy in front of CCTV for the world to see. MI6 may have to spend millions in Public Relations to clean up the mess by one of his most decorated agent, who acts more like a hitman than a spy.

This time Bond also deals with an enemy who doesn’t care to blow-up the world or such. Gone are the megalomaniac drives and outlandish villains. Le-Chiffre is simply a crooked gambler who wants to recoup his loss. He is described as one of those terrorists’ banker who handles their money - investing in terrorism related disaster such as betting against Airlines stocks pre-911, surely not without insider information.

He was betting against Airlines stock again, and ordered a hit-man to torch a prototype plane in Miami airshow, using a LED flashlight size Semtex. The incident was expected to send the Airlines stocks crashed, to his gain. How convenient. Except when Jablai Bond has a thing to say on it.

The movie is fast-paced in the start, but after 30 minutes it starts to drag. Too many confusing and unrelated scenes, except when Bond are showing his muscles and not dealing with cards. The scene in casino is too long and not well-executed. Judy Dench is the pearl in the gun, every time she appears, she shines, her lines would give us a chuckle or two. Same like M, we miss cold war too, coz 007 of that is most affable.

Whether Daniel Craig is Bond or not, it shall be decided by how much it grossed in North America and worldwide. Die Another Day, with Halle Berry’s spell, scored $47 million on its opening weekend. Casino Royale may not fetch that much, but many may be curious enough to see how Craig fares while in England the hype is all about supporting the only English Bond.

If you think Bond is only about a good action movie, go for it. But if you think Bond is that glamorous spy with knacks for women, you love his tux when he orders his drink or you simply adore Brosnan – go watch the slapstick Rob-b-Hood instead (it involves throwing shits to face) and wait for the DVD.

Daniel Craig is opposite of most jingoism and idioms popularized by the five decades long franchise. He is down to earth a spy should be, with his weaknesses and insecurity, a mortalized Bond.

It has been said that this is Bond that most faithful to Ian Fleming’s book. But we don’t know that Bond. Bond to us is all that glitter : a casanova with Gun, Girls and Gadgets. Casino Royale isn’t. It is a Bond in body but not soul.
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